When it comes to love and desire, we often think that there’s neither rhyme nor reason that governs attraction. As Emily Dickinson so aptly wrote, “The heart wants what it wants, or else it does not care.” And yet, by the time actor/director Woody Allen so famously co-opted the quote to explain the dubious beginnings of his longtime love affair with then step-daughter Soon-Yi Previn (begun while he was still romantically entangled with her mom, Mia Farrow), it was pretty clear that sometimes the heart wants something that might not actually be the best thing for it--or you.
But even more potentially damaging to chances at longtime romantic happiness is ignoring what’s going on in our heads. Many people find themselves locked into a negative cycle in which they repeatedly pursue partners who turn out to be either just plain ill-suited, or worse, downright destructive--but are seemingly clueless as to why.
If you’re one of those “unlucky in love” types, wondering if there isn’t something you can do to change the game so that the odds are in your favor, there are actually several modifications you can make in your quest for amour--but the biggest changes you will likely have to make are going to start with you. In order to find lasting love, you must examine your personal history to shed light on events that set certain patterns in motion, and then you must re-learn the rules of attraction so that you are better able to focus on more suitable candidates for healthy romance. Here are a few steps to get you started.
Know The Catalyst
Many people who seem to haplessly fall into one doomed relationship after another do so because they’ve never fully resolved the childhood traumas that shaped their psyches, especially in cases of emotional abuse or neglect. As a child, you have no control over your environment, but as an adult, not only do you have the ability to understand how you came to be the person you’ve become, but you have the power to break destructive cycles by choosing not to engage in relationships that feed negative behavior.
Easier said than done? Yes, but professional help is there if you need it, and not everyone requires years of therapy to uncover what triggers self-destructive patterns. Knowledge is power. While you can never fix what was broken in the past, once you have the explanation, you can recognize the pull towards failed romances and move forward to make healthier choices.
Look Beyond Chemistry
Ah, chemistry . . . the most infamous weapon in Cupid’s arsenal, and yet, when we’re in school, chemistry is only one of the required courses. The evidence of pheromone-based attraction notwithstanding, a well-rounded education in love demands the study of more than one subject.
No one’s telling you that you have to date someone to whom you are not physically attracted, but if that’s all there is, unless you’re looking for short-term gratification of an “urge to merge” (nothing wrong with that--so long as you understand that’s all it’s likely to be) chances are, lust is not going to be enough for the long haul.
Refocus Your Expectations
Refining expectations is not, I repeat, not synonymous with lowering expectations, so if you’re in the habit of repeatedly trying to pair up with unrealistic or unavailable partners, there’s a good chance it’s time to start setting your sights on more appropriate targets.
Lots of people are looking for love. That’s the pool you should dive into. And here’s a hint: As tempting as it may be to “drown in love” with that mythical mermaid, or plummet to giddy depths in tandem with the daring swain beckoning you to come hither from the high diving board, sticking with someone who swims at the same pace as you do will likely be infinitely more fulfilling once you reach the deep end.
The Real Benefits of Friends With Benefits
In the most enduring romances, passion evolves. Over time, rather than burning white-hot, it smolders beneath the surface like a bed of warm coals, and flares when properly fueled and fanned.
Understanding how to build a romance based on the joy of one another’s company that’s bolstered by a shared sense of humor, like interests and mutual understanding is akin to knowing how to properly bank a fire so that it doesn’t burn out. Not every friendship will or should blossom into romance, but it’s an excellent way to start. So, if you’ve been dating yet one more lover and all-too-soon find yourself saying, “I love him/her, but I don’t like him/her” this is one lesson you should really take to heart because eventually, when love fizzles out, that dislike is going to color everything that’s left, and it’s not going to paint a pretty picture.
Tuesday, 8 September 2015
Surviving a breakup can be one of the most emotional devastating hurts the human heart can go through. Many classify it in some respects as worse than death.
When a breakup occurs, couples involved usually have to keep running into one another. This is especially true if they were married with children.
Like most people who have won at love, I, too, have lost at love. I know all too well the pain of a broken heart.
But, this is not a page where we are going to drown in our sorrows. This is a page where people surviving a breakup can come to find healing and hope.
I will be adding to this page as time progresses, and I hope you'll return again and again because you find strength for your journey here. You can even ask your own questions below, and we will give you our response.
Here are some tips to keep in mind for surviving a breakup:
Pain in loss is only natural, so don't beat yourself up too badly for feeling like an emotional wreck
Give yourself some time to not feel like you just jumped out of an airplane without a parachute
Renew old friendships that you allowed to slide because you were so lost in love
You have more free time now, so use it in better ways than moping alone thinking about silly so-and-so
Show yourself strong to the one who let you go
You will raise doubts in the mind of the one who let you go if you hold up your head and don't wilt any time they see you
All those couples you are looking at aren't all as crazy happy as you are making them out to be right now
Most of those around you who seem to have won at love has also experienced losing at love, so there really is always hope for the heart beyond the hurt you feel today
Someday the hurt you have right now will be long forgotten and you will be amazed how little you even remember about the emotions in your life right now
More people are pulling for you than you even know
These are just a few things so many others going through what you are going through now have discovered about surviving a breakup.
Monday, 7 September 2015
1. Get Fish In Your Diet or Supplement It
Before looking for outer ways of increasing you hair length, work from the inside out. I know first-hand the amazing changes your body makes from a good diet because of my weightlifting and fitness lifestyle.
From your skin to your hair, you will find amazing beauty benefits from getting enough Omega 3 fish oil, either through eating enough of the right kinds of fish or taking flavorless fish oil pills each day.
I’ve taken fish oil pills for years because it helped me heal up faster from lifting weights, much later I found out how amazingly it helped my skin and hair. It’s magic!
It’s scientific fact that being low on omega-3 fatty acids in your body SLOWS THE GROWTH OF YOUR HAIR and it’s a big reason why your hair becomes brittle, dull and lifeless.
For you to have longer, healthier and faster growing hair, you absolutely need to take in enough omega-3 fatty acids daily, and its a fact that most Americans don’t get enough in their diet.
When you start eating the right types of fish or taking Omega-3 fish oil supplements, you might not notice a big difference for a few weeks. But towards the end of that month you will notice that your hair is easier to manage and healthier. You might even see some extra growth.
Here’s a list of fish that are high in omega-3 fatty acids:
Albacore tuna
Salmon
Clams
Sardines
Halibut
Herring
Trout
Shrimp
black cod
anchovies.
You can also get lower levels of Omega-3 oils from ground flaxseeds and nuts, especially walnuts.
2. Drink Your Hair Moisturizer
I’m not crazy, I’m talking about drinking water, not that moisturizing shampoo you love.
Most of us don’t drink enough water and that sucks because el auga is the NUMBER 1 hair moisturizer you’ll find and even the best moisturizer for dry skin. Hands down! This natural moisturizer is far better than even the best shampoo for dry hair or shea moisture hair products.
Day to day, on average, people drink about 5 to 6 glasses of liquids (water, tea, coffee, etc.). But we rarely ever make it to 8 glasses, especially of pure water. Well, since drinking enough water supports your hair growth and hydrates your hair and skin it’d be a good idea to get that water bottled filled up each morning missy!
3. Moisturize Like a Maniac
Now let’s talk about how to moisturize hair from the outside and exactly what you need to do.
I remember this all too well, I had one girlfriend that almost made me jealous of the attention her hair got, but I couldn’t argue against the results! This girl(We’ll call her “Zee”) was forever moisturizing her hair. Zee was so consistent with it, nearly everyday.
Sometimes she did it quickly, sometimes she took foreeeeeeeever!
But she always did it, that girl knew how to moisturize hair and WOW did she have some beautiful, long, natural hair because of it.
Can’t say that I miss her, but I miss touching her hair, lol.
The point is this…
Moisturize as often as possible, saturate it and try to do it everyday or at least every other day.
Some of the most natural hair moisturizers for black hairstyles are grape seed oil, coconut oil, olive oil and of course the the purest shea butters are always a best seller for good reason. Get some and get to moisturin’!
4. Know How To Deep Condition Hair Properly
A good deep conditioning treatment replenishes your hair and restores moisture balance. Deep condition your hair at least once every 2 weeks or so, no longer than every 3 weeks.
You can do it with a dryer in about 30-40 minutes or if you don’t have a dryer just leave it in your hair longer and let your body heat work on it.
One girl I knew used to use this time to walk on the treadmill for an hour, I thought that was some BRILLIANT multitasking. She was getting her “sexy on” all at once!
It’s impossible for me to tell you what the best deep conditioner to use is because of the different hair type you have from others. Some ladies I’ve known swore on coconut oil for hair and others had different favorites.
Just try what others are using until you find the perfect conditioner for your type of hair.
For example in the video below natural hair Youtube star “Crystal Michelle” reviewed EDEN BodyWorks Jojoba Monoi deep conditioner, this natural hair conditioner is her absolute favorite of all products and she says it’s the best deep conditioner product she used. Check it out!
5. Treats Your Ends Like The End-All Be-All!
You absolutely must trim and/or dust your ends regularly! This is unbelievably important, you can’t be afraid trim those ends, your hair will grow back. In fact, science shows that this is an important way to actually get MORE length in the long run!
Trimming and dusting is one of the most misunderstood tips of how to grow black hairstyles.
BUT IT’S A MUST DO!
OK, so you don’t believe me or science? Dang, that’s messed up…. Alright hardhead, well check out this beautiful brown-skinned sista who normally trims her hair every month and tell me it doesn’t work. You gon’ learn today!
6. Detangle Your Hair In The Shower
Don’t use a normal comb, use a wide-tooth comb or detangler brush up under that warm flowing water and work the kinks out. You’ll notice…
Your hair will be easier to comb through.
You will have less hair breakage
Your hair will be easier to manage
Your husband more interested in how to detangle hair with you, lol.
7. Wear Protective Hair Styles
You probably already know about the many black hairstyles that are considered protective hairstyles, such as African hair braiding styles, human hair weaves, buns, twists and various wigs for black women.
So I love the braids, and wigs and weaves are often used while growing your hair out. These protective styles for natural hair and relaxed hair are time-saving, low-maintenance, they help you retain hair length and moisturize. If you’re looking for protective hair, Abhair is doing free shipping right now and their quality hair is unquestioned.
8. Avoid Blow Drying Your Hair Like The Plague!
Not only is blow drying hair bad for your hair and scalp because of the extreme heat, but also all of the yanking, pulling and tugging that usually comes along with it make it one of the most damaging things you can do to your hair.
Even though air drying your hair takes more time, it’s waaaaaay healthier for your hair than blow drying.
The disadvantages of blow drying hair are too many while the few advantages of blow drying hair aren’t worth the extreme damage it does. Air dry your hair, it’s a lot less stress on your luscious locks.
9. Run Away From Highly-Chemical Hair Products
If you put too many harsh chemicals in your hair while trying to “get your beautiful on”, you’re actually working against your hair and your beauty goals.
A major secret in how to make your hair grow longer is staying as simple and natural as possible. There are so many damaging hair chemicals in the stores now that many women forget that natural hair products even exist!
The funny thing is that many natural hair growth products are in the same stores, for example olive oil, coconut oil, grape seed oil and more. They are usually just a couple shopping aisles away, it’s just that they are not advertised as “natural hair growth products”.
And to find natural products that may not be in your everyday stores, you can find 100’s of natural hairstyles products at…
Janecartersolution.com Jane Carter has some of the best curly hair products made from the finest natural ingredients, including pure organic essential oils, plant extracts, natural butters, and hair growth vitamins that are specifically made to repair and hydrate damaged and dry hair.
Agbangakarite.com Agbangakarite is an African company that I have bought TONS of raw shea butter from for over 10 years now, mostly for my skin and keeping the ash away during cold Detroit winters. Although they aren’t focused on hair care products specifically, they do have plenty of great products you can use for your hair. They sell red palm oil, African black soap, virgin palm kernel oil, virgin coconut oil and more. I always feel good buying from them because they are a certified fair trade company, that means they aren’t getting pimped for product while the money goes to someone else. Most shea butter in the U.S. and Europe is unfairly traded and they pay pennies to these very HARDWORKING African women who gather shea nuts and hand-make these incredible products. Not with Agbangakarite though, because of that and their high-quality product, I always buy my Shea butter from them.
Carolsdaughter.com Carols Daughter is well-known for some of the best natural hair products for African Americans, great olive oil hair products, hair milk, natural hair conditioner, natural hair moisturizer and tons of other black hair products.It’s really easy to find great hair products for curly hair on their website.
Kinky-curly.com This site is ALL about natural black hair and natural hair styles, they are committed to developing hair products that not only deliver results but also nourish your hair with natural ingredients.Their awesome products for natural hair have no petroleum, no silicone, no plastics, no mineral oil, no carbomer and no acrylics. These natural hair products for black hair are also alcohol free, wax free and paraben free.
Amazon.com Don’t sleep on Amazon! Some of the best products for natural hair are waiting for you on the big A and many times with free shipping on orders over $25, there are often discounts too. You can also get oils, herbs, vitamins, and raw butters from the site. Basically any hair products for natural hair you need.
10. Avoid Heat Styling Your Hair
Heat is an enemy to your hair, in fact I’ve placed this on my list of 13 biggest hair killers. You need to avoid applying extreme heat to your hair as much as possible. Focus on hairstyles that don’t require heat like twist outs, braid outs, roller sets, buns, wash-n-go hairstyles, etc.
11. Be Patient!
One of the strongest personality traits of women who know how to grow longer hair is patience. Follow these rules…
Have patience.
Be consistent.
Give it time.
Do these things along with following the other tips and you now know how to grow long hair! And send me some pics for our picture gallery!
P.S. Please, fully research things that you take into your body that are marketed as natural hair growth products, some are good some can be potentially dangerous. If you have time to learn more, check out The Science of Black Hair: A Comprehensive Guide to Textured Hair Care from scientist, author and natural black woman, Audrey Davis-Sivasothy. Women are truly learning from her, you can see how much they love the book from over 400 great reviews on Amazon.
Amid fears that a government policy of feeding primary school pupils in the country will impose a huge financial burden on the Buhari administration, Vice President Yemi Osinbajo said on Wednesday that the policy will attract investment to the tune of N980 billion.
The vice president also said the school feeding programme will create jobs, and raise food production as well as investment in the country.
A statement by the Senior Special Assistant to the vice president on Media and Publicity, Laolu Akande, said the multiplier effects of the proposed scheme include job creation, increase in food production of up to 530,000 metric tonnes per annum, which will attract investor-by-investment of up to N980billion.
According to the statement, Mr. Osinbajo made the revelations while speaking on a topic “Repositioning Nigeria for Sustainable Development: From Rhetoric to Performance” at the ongoing 45th Annual Accounting Conference of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria (ICAN).
Mr. Osinbajo also stated that growth figures recorded during the last three administrations which recorded rising oil prices, GDP and foreign reserves did not put a dent on poverty or unemployment levels in the country.
He said though there were indeed seemingly good growth figures, such figures “can be deceptive where the structure and quality of growth are not considered”.
“So why are most [of our people] poor despite rising revenues and GDP growth? Our main revenue earners, the extractive oil and gas economy, do not by themselves create many jobs” he queried?
This is an irony of a top-down economic model, he said, noting that this is what comes to bear when the major revenue earner is extractive and the value chain is poorly developed.
Identifying the way forward from the present economic challenges, Mr. Osinbajo who made a comparative analysis of the previous administrations, called for a social sector investment which would mean investing in the people, education, job creation, national school feeding scheme, conditional cash transfer and reflating economies of the states as indices that would boost the economy.
The vice president stated further that some of these ideas have already been put in place by the Buhari administration, including the bailout package for the workers in the country, while some others are currently being worked out. He said education is the basics for economic growth.
“One of the most important interventions required in the education sector is capacity building to improve teacher quality. This programme is intended to drive teacher capacity development; boost basic education; attract talents to the teaching profession. Better educated population increase economic potential for productivity,” he said.
Mr. Osinbajo also identified conditional cash transfer as another avenue for alleviating poverty.
The programme, he said, is intended to support the 25 million poorest households to incentivize vaccination, education and production. The multiplier effects of the introduction of the programme, he noted, would include lifting millions out of poverty; putting millions into rural production; and boosting rural economy.
For increased investments in businesses and ease of doing business, government needs to improve the power sector; have one-stop shop for approvals; innovation and fighting piracy; diversifies the economy in agriculture – self-sufficiency in rice and wheat (staples) production, manufacturing, entertainment and technology, the Vice President said.
He observed that despite challenges in the power sector, “there have been measurable improvements over the past three months (June to August)”.
He said a “26% increase in operational generation capacity (June to August 15, 2015 compared to January to May 2015); decreased in pipeline vandalism boosting gas supply; a 10% reduction in transmission losses (June to July 2015 compared to January to May 2015); reduction in red tape to remove delays blocking the 450MW Azura-Edo IPP and the 500MW Exxon Mobil Qua-Iboe IPP; the imposition of a September 2015 deadline for the submission of the DisCos’ revised tariff trajectories”.
Earlier, the President of ICAN, Samuel Deru, appreciated the vice president for his commitment and ability to attend the programme in person.
President Muhammadu Buhari and the All Peoples Congress (APC) had during the Presidential campaign tour in January, promised a one meal per day for primary school students across the country.
The Nigerian National Petroleum Cooperation (NNPC) has begun the process of recovering over $7 billion in over-deducted tax benefits from JV Partners on major capital projects, the Nigerian presidency has said
Quoting a report submitted to President Muhammadu Buhari by the new Group Managing Director of NNPC, Ibe Kachikwu, the Senior Special Assistant to the President on Media and Publicity, Garba Shehu, said the state oil company had ‘commenced Performance Measurement & Benchmarking as well as Value for Money Review of NNPC and the JV Companies covering the period 2008 – 2013′.
Mr. Shehu further quoted the report as saying ‘a reputable International Accounting Firm has been engaged by the NNPC to ascertain the exact amount due government on the Strategic Alliance Contracts entered by NPDC, where up to $2.46 billion of government money is to be recovered’.
The presidential spokesperson added, “It (the report) also revealed that consequent upon an extensive investigation of the various toxic crude oil for refined products swap contracts, a total sum of $420 million has so far been reconciled in favour of NNPC and is now due for recovery from the legacy OPA/SWAP contracts. Out of the reconciled amount, the sum of $277 million has been recovered in lieu of products and the recovery effort is still ongoing, the source added.
“According to the report , the GMD of NNPC is committed to continued review of all existing contracts and addressing the ones that are not favourable to the Corporation. It was noted that significant cost reductions are also expected to ensure the Corporation remains profitable in the prevailing low crude oil price regime.
“He added that progress is being made toward bringing back the nation’s refineries to full production, noting that the management of the NNPC is working to ensure that this happens before the end of this year.
“If this is completed, the report said, it is expected to achieve an annual savings of about $1billion worth of foreign exchange from fuel import substitution and additional total saving of over $500 million annually will be made from the petrochemical products of Kaduna Refinery and Petrochemical Company.
“The report also disclosed that efforts at repositioning the NNPC have started yielding result on the nation’s economy. According to its content, gas supply to the power plants that had hitherto been handicapped by the supply of much-needed gas, has improved significantly from about 630 to 861 million standard cubic feet per day, which has resulted in a more steady power supply being witnessed in the country.
“Indeed, the report revealed that gas supply for power and peak generation have in recent times reached a historical high of 876 million standard cubic feet per day and 4,782 Mega Watts respectively.”
The report , Mr. Garba said, indicated that the review process might lead to further cost recovery.
President Muhammadu Buhari has set a deadline of Tuesday, September 15 for full compliance with his directive that all revenue due to the Federal Government or any of its agencies must be paid into the Treasury Single Account (TSA) or designated accounts maintained and operated in the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), except otherwise expressly approved.
A circular issued to all Ministries, Departments and Agencies of the Federal Government by the Head of the Civil Service of the Federation, Mr. Danladi Kifasi urged the MDAs to ensure strict compliance with the deadline to avoid sanctions.
The circular – HCSF/428/S.1/125 of September 4, 2015 noted that a number of MDAs were yet to comply with Circular Ref. No. HCSF/428/S.1/120 of August 7, 2015 which conveyed President Buhari’s original directive on the payment of all Federal Government revenue into a Treasury Single Account.
“In this regard, His Excellency, Mr. President has directed that all MDAs are to comply with the instructions on the Treasury Single Account (TSA) unfailingly by Tuesday, September 15, 2015.
“Heads of MDAs and other arms of Government are enjoined to give this Circular the widest circulation and ensure strict compliance to avoid sanctions,” Mr. Kifasi wrote.
President Buhari had on August 9 ordered each and every Federal Government Ministry, Department or Agency to start paying into a Treasury Single Account (TSA) for all government revenues, incomes and other receipts.
According to the directive, the measure is specifically to promote transparency and facilitate compliance with sections 80 and 162 of the 1999 Constitution.
Henceforth, according to a statement at the time by Laolu Akande, the Senior Special Assistant to the Vice President on Media and Publicity, all receipts due to the Federal Government or any of its agencies must be paid into TSA or designated accounts maintained and operated in the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN), except otherwise expressly approved.
A TSA is a unified structure of bank accounts enabling consolidation and optimal utilization of government’s cash resources. It is a bank account or a set of linked bank accounts through which government transacts all its receipts and payments and gets consolidated view of its cash position at any given time.
This presidential directive, Mr. Akande said, would end the previous public accounting situation of several fragmented accounts for government revenues, incomes and receipts, which in the recent past has meant the loss or leakages of legitimate income meant for the federation account.
HOPE of resumption of crude oil export from Nigeria to the United State of America has been renewed by the president of a Washington-based Global Water and Energy Strategy Team (GWEST), Paul Wihbey.
Also, President Muhammadu Buhari has been advised to swiftly put in place a new strategic energy policy for export of Nigerian oil to new markets in Asia, while also urging government to resolve the crisis with India, which has expressed its willingness to increase its crude oil import from Nigeria to about $50billion annually.
GWEST President Wihbey, gave the hint of resumption of Nigeria’s crude oil to the U.S., while delivering a lecture with the theme, “The global oil and gas market dynamics: outlook for Nigeria’, at the Emerald Energy Institute of the University of Port Harcourt, Rivers State at the weekend.
Wihbey, who before President Buhari’s visit to the U.S., briefed the U.S Marine Corps Command and Staff College, as well as U.S Marine Corps War College, Quantico, Virginia, as an expert on geopolitics of the international energy sector, particularly on Nigeria, explained that if Nigeria establishes credible political institutions, it will in no distance time replace Saudi Arabia as a key oil exporter to the U.S.
He stated that the recent drastic reduction in the price of crude oil, which has adversely affected the Nigerian economy was caused by the decline in commodity super-cycle and China; the U.S. shale production; and Middle East geopolitics like Iranian issue and Saudi Arabia fixation on the Shanghai cooperation organization.
At the lecture, which was chaired by former presidential adviser on petroleum matters, Dr. Emmanuel Egbogah, the energy expert said a key component of President Barack Obama and President Buhari’s recent meeting in Washington, is for the resumption of significant volume of crude oil export to the U.S, as Saudi Arabia lean more towards China.
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